I See Heaven

Just a little over two weeks left here in NYC. That's a little bit crazy. The two months of internship haven't exactly flown by, but still...it's somehow hard to believe they're almost over. I think that weird feeling I always get when a season of my life is ending might be because I wasn't made for endings--I was made for something never ending. If I have only learned one thing from this internship, (which isn't the case), I have learned more and more about experiencing the Kingdom of God. I've been seeing that veil pulled back in more ways than I can count, and seeing glimpses of the Kingdom here on earth; glimpses of my Jesus, here on earth. And could I ask for more? I've been seeing how short life is in the fullness of creation. Yeah, if I've gained one thing here in NYC, it's been new sight. I don't see people or circumstances the same way I used to. I don't see media or materialism even sort of how I used to. There is now only one thing I set any weight in--Love.

In Belize, before we left for outreach, we broke up into groups and discussed what we wanted to see happen during outreach; the changes we wanted to see made in ourselves. That was a very memorable night for me; under that elegant sky; broad and lit with the brightest stars. Among other things, I wanted to learn how to Love people well. And I mean REALLY Love people. Not to love for my own sake, but to Love others in order that they may be lifted up. HE said, "ask, and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you." And he wasn't kidding. Since then, I've learned so much about Love...what it is and what it isn't. What are right expressions of Love and what are wrong expressions of love. And I know I have an infinite amount more to learn about Love. And I know this because the greatest thing I've learned is that GOD IS LOVE. This finally became more than head knowledge to me right before I came to New York. It finally fell down into my heart, where I was able to understand and apply it. If God is Love, then Love is a name of God; Love is infinite, as is God. So, I'll never understand it in full. But I have come to understand this: that any true Love is from God. If you feel something for someone that isn't from God--in other words, isn't God's heart for that person; isn't what God wants for that person--it IS NOT Love. It's lust or pride or something else, but it is not Love. And a lot of this, I've said before...so I'm sorry for repeating myself. It's good for me to remember.

I guess, while I've been here, there have just been new developments to that line of thinking. And I have had the privilege of seeing some of the behind the scenes of the fashion industry, and so, gotten to see how much of it is real. The answer is, not much. And I've been BLESSED by the opportunity to see reality. God knew what he was doing by bringing me here. I needed this to keep on healing. I needed this new sight and new perspective of life to be able to go out and do what He has truly called me to. And I've been newly motivated, more so, and more rightly so, than ever before, I think. I wanna be who He made me to be. I want to be an elegant, beautiful woman of God and I want to be a fierce warrior of His Kingdom, and I get to be both if I let Him develop those characters in me.

Funny how my definitions of "elegance" and "beauty" and "ferocity" have morphed. Again, I don't see things the same as I used to. I have seen how God's favor in my life outweighs the rules and circumstances of this world. I have seen how Love transforms. I have seen how Love always protects. I have seen how heart break corrupts, but Hope restores! I have seen, seen, seen God at work and His Kingdom coming to earth. Interesting: we are called to live by faith and not by sight, yet I find that the more faith I have, the more I see!

And so, I've been holding to and rejoicing in the words of this song, lately:

"I See Heaven"

I see heaven, invading this place,

I see angels, Praising Your Holy Name
And I sing praises

I sing praises

I give You honor

Worthy Jesus

I see Glory, Falling in this place
I see hope restored, healing of all disease
And I sing praises

I sing praises

I give You honor

Worthy Jesus

We give You Praise, and all of the Honor
You are our God, the one we live for
We give You Praise, and all of the Glory God

Let Your Presence fill this place, Let heaven come
Let Your angels be released, Let Heaven come
We will worship at Your feet, Let Heaven come
Face to face we want to meet, Let Heaven come

I don't really know where to end this entry. I guess just with the encouragement that if you're reading this and feeling even the least bit unfulfilled, I urge you to cry out to God! Don't be silent any more. He HEARS every word, and He longs for you. Every bit of you. He wants to put goodness, Joy, fulfillment, and peace, and a million other things in your life. And I'm not preaching the wealth and prosperity gospel; I won't tell you for a second that you'll be rich with anything in this world...but I promise you this. Joy is greater than wealth. And he will fill you with Joy. Ask, and it will be given to you.