Belize update.

I guess I only just realized how long it has been since my last post. Sorry, for those of you who are actually following me! I'll try to update more often. Honestly, though, everytime I've thought about journaling and blogging lately, I've become overwhelmed because SO MUCH has been going on here. First of all, I didn't realize that I never blogged about Bob, so let me give you a quickie version of his story.
Two Saturday nights ago, a strange man turned up in our library. After multiple stories going around of who he was, how he got here, who found him, and why he was here, the truth came out. His name is Bob, age 33, he is a successful and well-loved businessman from Holland, he has been traveling all over the place (mostly the US) for the past 3 months, and he came to Belize to end his life. Chris and Lynn, our base directors gave him a place to stay and food to eat, only under the condition that he would call his momma in the morning. haha. i love that. During breakfast, the monday after he arrived, Bob explained to me that he never really believed in God other than the sun. He said the only thing that's ever made sense to Him (religion wise), is that the sun is so big and powerful and makes things grow, and so the sun must be god, and we must all be made of stardust. I had a hard time imagining how someone could live under that belief, but the more I talked to Bob and learned the way he lived, the more I understood his intentions in ending his life. Bob had no idea why he existed, and no idea of his worth. The first couple times he told the story of how he came to DP, he was telling everyone that "coincidentally" he ended up here at DP, where he was "lucky" to be taken care of. Lynn was quick to smack him around saying, "I told you WE DON'T BELIEVE IN COINCIDENCES HERE!" hahaha...Bob doesn't believe in coincidences anymore either. Due to losing all his possessions in one of his 3 attempts at suicide, Bob has been stuck here the past two weeks, waiting for an emergency passport. It just so happens that Bob came just in time for our lecture week with Jeff Pratt on "The Father Heart of God." Coincidence? Our week with Jeff Pratt was outstanding. The most healing time of my life up until this week! haha. We talked about walking in the light, as God is in the light. I always thought that meant walking in happiness and joy and good things- the light!-right? No! I found out that it actually means to expose yourself, expose your sin, expose your weakness, expose who you really are, that you may find freedom! and OH! the freedom we found!!!! As for Bob, he found Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He sat in on our wonderful lectures this past week as well. Lynn Toney, (our base director) was the speaker this week, and by God speaking through her, we found even MORE freedom! We broke the ball and chains we each carry, and I cannot even explain this freedom at this moment, it's the purest joy i've ever experienced. I think my team knows more about me and how i've messed up than anyone ever on this earth...besides Jesus, duh. But it seriously amazes me how much we've all opened up to eachother after just 5 weeks! Sure, we don't know eachothers' personalities to a tee, but that will come in time. We are such a funny mix of people, and I love that God has brought us together, because we probably would have never met otherwise.
Just this past week, we had baptisms and rededications for those who felt called....guess who felt called??? BOB! I'm so proud of him, and so blessed by his story. We have witnessed a true miracle here before our very eyes! As my friend Joanie said, "We better be excited about this, because if we're not excited about this, what will we be excited about?" THIS is why we live, to be free in Christ and bring others to that freedom! And ohhhhh the freedom feels good. I've never felt this good.
I'm loving it here at DP. Sure, there are difficult things, but I'm witnessing that perseverance builds character, and character hope. And hope does not disappoint us. I know most everyone has already heard this, but a few weeks ago, God healed my back! He took the pain away, and its been structurally healing ever since. Praise the LORD! We are witnessing REAL miracles here.
Last, but not least, we are raising funds for outreach! We have a team going to South Africa, and a team going to Guatemala...(I'm on the South Africa team!!!) Each of us needs to raise 3,700 dollars, which means 37 people giving 100 dollars, or 100 people giving 37 dollars...however you wanna do the math...it's a lot of money, but we trust God to provide. Please be in prayer for us as we trust God for this money to come in by October 14th!!!! If you would like to help us out, please contact me on facebook!!! Hannah Tichenor is my name if you don't already know that. haha. Hannah Tichenor from Franklin, TN. Thank you so much for all your prayers and support everyone!

Random fun stuff....
It's so hot here that when it dropped to 81 F, we all put on pants and jackets. and LOVED it. haha.

there are scorpians here in Belize! scary.

our library (where I'm currently sitting), is apparently the mosquito, crab, and gecko mating ground of the whole base...sick.

sea grass smells like hard boiled eggs.

they reuse glass pop bottles here...so sanitary.

sting rays swim around our dock all the time!

the clouds over the ocean here are the most beautiful clouds in history.

there are attack pit bulls all over the place here....which makes running suck...haha but keeps me in prayer.

uhmmm that's all i got for now. if you have any questions, i'd love to answer them!!

learning

I'm sitting in a little bakery in San Pedro, trying to sum up my time here thus far. It's been extremely difficult. It's hard to live with two other girls in a room that's half the size of my bedroom at home. It's hard to live under someone else's rules and schedules. It's hard to adjust to the extreme heat here. It's hard to put up with the bugs. It's hard to always get into a sand filled bed. It's hard to go through testing and trials in a group of people where NO one has known me longer than two weeks. It's hard to have limited communication to home. There are a lot of hard things here.

BUT, I'm learning. God is teaching me patience and endurance and self-control. This morning in worship, I was dealing with so much anxiety and I really felt God telling me that I needed to surrender to Him. I forgot what surrendering looks like. Surrender is not just turning to God for things, or following him, but being enslaved to his will. Which means doing all he's called me to, and being able to do it confidently because my hope is in Him. Fortunately, his will is love; perfect love. He wills to love me perfectly and he is ABLE to love me perfectly. He will guide me by this love, if I surrender to Him. That's what I want. No more fear and anxiety, but trust and confidence that God has me.

NOWWWWW, i have to do the MASSSSIVE amount of reading assigned for next week. ugh. but i love the things i'm learning.

And have i mentioned that its beautiful here? perfect day :)

week 2, day 2

I really like how I'm being stretched here. It's not the kind of stretching I expected. I thought for sure that I'd be uneasy and overwhelmed by the over charasmatic worship and crazy teachings, but be holding on to what God had called me to. DP is nothing like that. No snake holders here. No one trying to make me speak in tongues. Yet, no one against the ideas. Yesterday was our first day of "class," which is basically a lecture and discussion. We talked about all kinds of things, all kinds of ideas and subjects of conflict among Christians. The idea we were centering around was the ability to question and compare our ideas and to be able to differentiate between what we THINK and what we KNOW. From there, the discussion went all over the place, but I really like where we took it. I know that before long, this group of people will be a group that I can talk to about almost anything. I'm already surprised at how much we've shared with each other, while being respectful. Like i've said before, i've really loved loved getting to spend so much time with God. Worship, Prayer, Intercession, Journaling, Reading the Word, and everything we do here is focused on Him. Of course there are still distractions. They're in our hearts. I'm trying so hard to stay focused, but even in lecture, even when we're discussing a topic i'm genuinely interested in, I find my thoughts shifting back home, or even to the crazy geckos outside. Sometimes my mind wonders to something significant, or something I really care about and need to spend time thinking and praying about, but other times I just find myself day dreaming about something perfectly useless, or i'll even just be so focused on a song playing in my head that I can't focus on God. That's been the most frustrating thing for me being here. I want so badly to devote my whole self to him, but it can be difficult to know how. Especially when you're surrounded by people who you have no history with...they don't know who you really are yet, so they can't exactly set you straight when you're off. I know that will change as I grow closer to my team, but its a little unsettling right now.

We got to practice intercession today for the first time. We were interceded for the day after we got here, but today we got to learn how. Intercession, as I have learned, is prayer on behalf of someone else. Asking God to do something specific for someone. We prayed for the victims of the fires in texas and God just brought to mind all kinds of things to pray for that I would never have thought of on my own. It's so cool to me when someone else starts interceding, and they're speaking words that God didn't place on your heart, but you know that they are from Him because you can feel the Holy Spirit moving inside of you. It took me a long time to recognize this as the Holy Spirit, and honestly, I was afraid to for a while because I didn't know what would happen. I am a little afraid to speak in tongues, to be honest. But I know that God is a good God, and if he wants to give me that gift, it's a good thing. So even though I am a little afraid, I am ready. It's like the feeling you get when you're cliff jumping. You're standing at the top, and you can't help but be a little scared, but you still wanna jump off. You're not exactly sure how its gonna go, or what its gonna feel like, but you'll go for it anyway. That's how I feel when the Holy Spirit moves in me.

Anyway, i'm just rambling on and on haha, i'll write more betterer stuff sometime later. like maybe after i go scuba diving this weekend :/ scarrrryyyyy hahaha.

quote

my favorite quote so far came from Simba during a volleyball game. Someone missed a pass and Simba said, "ahh don't beat yourself up about it, we'll do that for you." hahaha

week 2, day 1

I've been here in San Pedro for one week. My assesment of it thus far is that, while it may be paradise, I don't think I could live here long term. Between the heat and the bugs and the ferocious gaurd dogs, it's not the most comfortable setting for me, but the scenery is absolutely gorgeous here. more so than I've ever seen anywhere. And don't get me wrong either, I'm having the time of my life, it's just not "home" to me. But a magnificent place to be none the less. Let me give you a couple facts about Belize~

#1. Hardly anything is cold or dry in Belize. You go to bed sweating and wake up sweating and sweat or are in the water almost all day. The only cold things are drinks at the Palapa (which is our little soda bar thing out on the beach), orrr if you're the first to get to the water tank after the tank has been changed. That is all I can think of.

#2. They have geckoes in place of spiders here. And they make really loud clicking noises.

#3. Bug spray replaces makeup around here.

#4. A lot of people DO speak spanish here, even though mostly everyone told me they didn't haha

#5. We really do eat beans and rice everyday. And I could live off of only beans and rice forever. plus hot sauce.

#6. There are never to almost never shark attacks here in Belize, even though there are sharks. Wanna know why? Sharks attack in Florida because they cannot see well and will mistake a person for a seal. As soon as they taste a human though, they'll spit him back out. Here in Belize, the water is so clear that sharks see humans clearly and SWIM AWAY! I thought that was super cool.

#7. You may end up with more blood on the outside of your body than the inside at the end of the day, and may find bruises all over your body from beating yourself. Mosquitoes are brutal here.

#8. I've seen several iguanas here. It's a little odd to see an iguana on top of a building where I am used to seeing birds.

#9. Okay Tennessee, we thought WE had it bad with cicadas this year? Lemme tell you something. The cicadas here are as big as birds. Their bodies are at least 3 inches long and at least 1 inch wide and have HUGE butterfly like wings. And they scream. It doesn't sound like a bug noise, I thought birds were making the noise for the first couple of days, it's like a screeching.

That's all i got for now.
I got to learn how to sail this week!!!!!! I love it SO much, especially in this beautiful water. I can't even describe it. I just wanna go out there and sleep foever on the crystal blue waves. I also began my scuba diving training. I'm not gonna lie, I'm not excited about scuba diving at all, and I didn't like the training. BUT, I'm gonna suck it up and go ahead and try to get certified. Why nott? already half way there.

I really love being able to spend this much time devoted and focused on God all the time. It's making me realize that I need to be this focused, if not more so, in my everyday life. I'm seeking to get into the habit of spending hours in the word and prayer. And worshipping daily. And surrounding myself with people I can discuss and grow with. There has been a lot of soul stretching going on here. I've had to open up to 25 people I hardly know. None of them know my history or where I come from, they only have what I tell them. It's kind of an odd feeling. I've been blessed enough to live for so long in a community where I COULD have been seeking and growing in the Lord this much, but I may not always have that privelege. I've got to learn to be so devoted and focused on God no matter where He puts me. no matter what type of surroundings.

I'm sorry, friends and family that I haven't touched base with enough. Internet is extremely limited here. Plus I've been trying not to worry about media stuff so mcuh while I'm here, so please don't be offended. I love all of you so mcuh and cannot wait to talk to you. thanks for all the prayer and support, I feel God's hand with me. I'm praying for all of you back home as well.

Belize!!!!

I wrote this wednesday...

So, my first blog post in Belize. I can't even begin to get my thoughts straight. I'll start with my travel experience. I had a relatively easy and super blessed journey here to San Pedro. Sure there were tiny bumps, but nothing that pulled me from my course. Like I mentioned before on facebook and have received many questions over, I was being followed by an El Salvadorian after my first flight. He wasn't just creepin on me though, he was trying to get to his gate to go to El Salvador. I had been sitting next to this approximately 40 year old man on the previous plane and at some point during the flight, we had discussed where we were headed. My next gate was E35. His gate was E2. So, he then told me that since Atlanta is an uncomfortably large airport, and he didn't know where I was heading, he was going to follow me there. I kind of nervously laughed, and as soon as I figured out where I was going, I BOOKED. I thought that I had to anyway, seeing as I arrived in the A terminal and had to get to E35 in 15 mins. I was sure I had lost him, until I heard a voice, practically on my ear saying "So uh, where we go-een?" I half jumped, and tried to explain to him how to get there. Funny thing is, my parents had told me several times before I left that it wasn't my job to help people through the airport because often times people will act like they need help so that they can mug you. I didn't encourage this guy in any way to follow me, but at the same time, I didn't even have the time to point him to other assistance. So, I figured as long as I was very aware of my belongings, it wouldn't hurt for him to follow me...if he could keep up. I felt like the mother of this 40 year old man as I had to explain to him that we had to go down the escalator to get to the train, and once on the train we had to get off at the E terminal because our gates were in the E terminal. He asked so many questions, but I couldn't help but acknowledge the fact that if I was acting like Christ as I claim to, I would help those who asked at my own expense. Besides, I had my backpack in front of me the whole time, with my arms in the straps so that no one could touch my bag without me seeing it. I directed him to his gate, and found mine easily. To my surprise, I had an additional 30 minutes before boarding, THANKS JESUS. So, i got to go grab starbucks. When I returned to my gate, 2 girls, from my DTS, Dani and Megan, were sitting there as well, THANKS JESUS. Turns out, mine and Megan's seats were right next to eachother, and there were empty seats next to us so Dani got to sit next to us. THANKS JESUS. All of the guys from our DTS were on the same plane, but we didn't meet them until we got to Belize.

There were two Christ followers (decidedly not missionaries), sitting behind Megan and I on the flight to Belize. They were asking about YWAM and explained that they worked with kids in Barranco, Belize. From the Belize City airport, we had to take a 15 minute puddle jumper to San Pedro. Everyone else in my DTS had scheduled their flight with the other airline and left right away. I was a little bummed that I was the only one on Maya Island Air, and sat alone at the gate for what seemed like a long time. I wondered if I was going to be the only one on the flight. Then, the couple doing work in Barranco came walking up and sat with me. They told me that they originally came to Belize for retirement, but saw the need and accepted their call to help. They told me that Barranco has a strong culture of witchcraft and they are not accepting of missionaries, mostly because the missionaries that have gone to Barranco previously made a bad name for themselves. So, they felt the call to be good neighbors, and when the Belizeans ask what is different, they share the Gospel. They had been driving down from Michigan to Belize for years, they explained, but now it's too dangerous to drive due to corrupt government in Mexico. They told me some wonderful stories from their journeys and I want to share one. Apparently, they had stopped somewhere in Mexico and needed to stay the night. Van and Patty (the non-missionaries) spoke no spanish, and the hotel owner in town spoke verrrry limited English. They tried and tried to book rooms for the night, one for them and one for their grand daughter, but the hotel owner would not rent them a room longer than 3 hours. They were confused and frustrated until they realized they were not in a hotel, they were in a brothel. As they walked away, the "hotel" owner finally realized what they were asking for and came running after them, saying that he would give Van and Patty two rooms across from each other for the night. "Just don't let the girl turn the TV on!" he warned. So, they stayed. They stayed the night in a brothel!! What commitment! Van jokingly explained, "They gave me a discount since I brought my own women." Haha I was astounded at their passion and zealousy. For some reason, I often think of passion and zealousy as being "young people things." Van and Patty proved me wrong. They told me I could come visit them whenever I wanted, and gave me some very good advice. They said: wherever in the world you go, whenever you meet people from other places, get their contact information. You may need it someday. You never know where you're gonna need to go, and if you're gonna need connections.

I thought that was golden information.

Finally, my puddle jumper was ready to go, and there were 4 other passengers. This flight was one of the most scenic-ly beautiful moments of my entire life. The difference between the sea and sky was indistinguishable. All so blue and green. The water is so clear, I could see the underwater hills and mountains and holes from the sky!

From the airstrip in San Pedro, the other YWAMers that had arrived a while before me and I jumped onto a ski boat and drove to our base. I honestly think the water here is clearer than that in a swimming pool. The whole ride to the base I was thinking, "places like this actually exist? this trumps narnia, this trumps barbie mermaidia and fairytopia...i mean...this isn't real." But I soon came to the conclusion that I was foolish to believe that man's imagination could create more than his creator's. Thesis? Again? Really?

The Destination Paradise base used to be a resort and it is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. I love it here. We have spent most of the time we've been here swimming in the pool, snorkling (which I haven't done yet), kayaking (haven't done yet either), playing volleyball, fun ice breakerish games, card games, guitar playing/ singing, reading, journaling, small group praying....ohh and eating beans and rice. :) OH, and Megan, the girl who sat next to me on the plane, just so happens to be my roommate...total coincidence, right?? ;)

Anyway, needless to say, I'm loving it here. Minute by minute I hear God speaking to me, and so much of what he's revealing to me is that he has prepared the way for me to be here. He really did want me here. And he really did want the rest of my DTS here. The faculty and staff and base directors are amazing. I couldn't imagine anything better...except a better bed maybe haha. the boards under my mattress move around, so that's a little disconcerting considering that I'm on the top bunk haha. We'll figure that one out.

Thank you so much everyone for all your prayers. I feel them. I feel the Holy Spirit here. I'm becoming aware that I feel it a lot, but push it away, and now that I'm here to focus on God and God alone, I'm starting to actually feel a relationship with the spirit of God. That's something I've never felt in this way before.

Anyway, i'll keep you all posted. thank you for everything :)

"Consider your ways"

For a while, I've been caught in a stage of spiritual illness. A time where I was screaming "God, PLEASE show up!", and felt that even though he was with me through all i was dealing with, he wasn't helping me. I am grateful, however, that throughout the time i spent ill and confused, God was gracious enough to turn my mistakes into lessons in order that i would grow, despite my illness. Isn't it just like God to use something awful to my benefit, and furthermore, to his glory?

There's no excuse for spiritual illness. I was only overcome by it when I took my eyes off of God and the way He's called me to live; when I forget that I have SURRENDERED my will to the will of the Almighty. When spiritually ill, you get worked up after a while, thinking, "This isn't what I expected. I'm not achieving my goals. If I'm living the best way I know how, and still missing my dreams, what does that say about me? Am I useless? If so, am I worthless?" But how can we forget that God is much more able to dream for us, what we cannot dream for ourselves? His dreams are bigger, greater, more miraculous. How could I forget this? Didn't I spend all last year writing my thesis paper on this very subject? Didn't I stand in front of 200-300 people and urge them to run after whatever God calls them to because He "is able to do to superabundantly far over and above all that we ask or think (infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams)" (eph. 3:20)? But I learn this lesson again almost every day. A re-learning that, though painful at times, humbles me again before Jesus' feet. A re-learning that has grown my relationship with God leaps and bounds.

A strange thought struck me as I was running this morning. I was thinking about how most everyone lives however they may live with the knowledge/fear that one day they will come before God and be faced with their sin; the saved will be welcomed into the kingdom, and those who rejected Christ will be rejected. I sort of laughed as I realized that we are ALWAYS before Him. We are ever before Him. Why do we put off our surrender til tomorrow when we have been told repeatedly that tomorrow is not promised? Probably because "we have been told" but we have never taken the time to sit and think about what it means to be ready to die RIGHT NOW. Not what it means to take the appropriate steps so that some distant day in the future we can say, "This is it, my time has come, and I am ready." But to KNOW that my time may be in 5 seconds, just because God designed my life to end that way, reallllllllly makes me think about how I spend my time. If I am before Jesus Christ, WHAT will I withhold from Him? If there IS anything I'm willing to withhold from Christ, I am absolutely daft because he gave everything just so that I could live with him forever. True love right there. So, if I am EVER before Christ, why am I ever withholding of my gifts and talents and love and offerings and time. I spend so much time being too embaressed to share my gifts with others because there is risk involved, but I forget that I am really before none but Christ Jesus. And even so, I forget that I have surrendered myself, my will, my fears all to Him. And even so, as sick as it is, I forget that he DESERVES my surrender, and so much more. I mean, what would it really look like to use all my gifts for his glory, no disclaimers involved. Instead of saying, "well, i really suck at everything, but i'll try", claiming, "Christ will do this in me, if it is His will." As Proverbs 3:25-26 urges "Have NO fear of sudden disaster or the ruin that overtakes the wicked, FOR THE LORD WILL BE YOUR CONFIDENCE and will keep your foot from being snared." I have to have confidence in the LORD. It's the least I can do to give my filthy life for Him when he's given his perfect life for me. My righteousness is as filthy rags.

I just read Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" this summer (about time, right?), and there were two stories he told on this subject that really stood out to me. The first was of a man speaking at a funeral. The man was explaining the possibility of your time coming any minute, and you don't have control over it, and you don't know when it's coming. A "live your life to the fullest" kind of speech. At the end of his speech, this man fell over and died. RIGHT there. On the spot. Unexpectedly. Who knew?

The second story was about Chan's mother-in-law. He described her as a person very aware of heaven; her thoughts most always turned to the Lord. He said that after taking her to the theatre one time, he asked her how she enjoyed the show. Her response was that while the show was fine, it was not where she'd like to be when Jesus came back. I don't even know if I breathed for a minute after I read that. It shocked me. To even have a mindset like that! THAT is what I want! To be ever looking toward what God is doing, and what I can be doing alongside Him.

I have not had that mindset lately, which is the reason I've been "spiritually ill". Just over this passed month, God has been stripping me of so many false beliefs and restrictions I've had on myself. He's worked through passages of scripture, good conversations, music, dreams, his own voice to show me that He is the only One worth both living and dying for and I cannot take him for granted. I want none besides Him.

Just last night I was having a minor panic attack about something profoundly unimportant on the large scale, when God stepped in and reminded me that it would be JUST LIKE satan to get me all worked up over something small just days before I leave for Belize, and make me too afraid to go. And once I had that realization and surrendered my will to God, a great peace overtook me and I was finally able to sleep peacefully after days of unrest. Really, anything one could worry about should have the same result, because what has Christ left us to worry over? He said be anxious for NOTHING.

I want to leave on that note. My eyes fixed on Christ. My heart bound to Jesus. My will in line with His. So whatever may happen, I am content. If I get wiped out right this instant I can say, "I have used my gifts from God and my freedom in Christ and the Holy Spirit's guidance to glorify Him." I'm no longer screaming for God to show up. After all, I was the rebellious one here. I was the liar. I was the cheater. I betrayed him. I was the lover of darkness. Now, I'm saying "Thank you for holding on."

New Life Goal as of today

"Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil." -Romans 16:19

written 10-12-10

This was a journal prompt for school I don't wanna forget about:

"Describe the relationship between a specific English act (or set of acts) and either mercantilism or salutary neglect."

There is an obvious connection between the Navigation acts and the idea of mercantilism. The Navigation acts, in simple terms, said that America could ONLY export goods to Great Britain and had to use British ships. Mercantilism is the marriage of big government with big business to form a monopoly. Great Britain used the Navigation acts as a means of Mercantilism. They wanted to monopolize the trade system of the world, and since they owned the majority of the new world, they used this to demonstrate their power. The rest of the world was wondering about America. What was it really like? What goods and treasures existed there? It was a grand mystery. The fact that Britain owned this mystery gave Britain incredible power. The problem was, Britain wasn't fair to the colonists who had risked their lives to establish the colonies. They overtaxed the colonists and completely controlled trade and denied the colonists the right to representation. The colonists became frustrated and knew they had to revolt. A scrawny group of colonist farmers fighting against the most powerful army in the world seems like a rediculous idea. Couldn't it only end in massacre? But how often we discount the fact that it is God who gives and God who takes away. He performed a miracle for the colonists, similar to the battle of Jericho for the Israelites. It was impossible, absolutely, but it happened. Do we forget this today? God is in control of ALL things. Why do we fear for our future when God is with us? If we have faith and courage as a country to stand up and throw ourselves, including our will, into the arms of God, he will redeem the wicked path we're on.

We so often are fed, and feed ourselves a "Grace Gospel," that we forget who we are...and what our purpose is. Yes, we're loved unconditionally, but that doesn't let us off the hook, if anything, it puts us out there. Those of us who have been saved by Grace should be the most active. We should be the ones doing good works, not so that we might secure our salvation, as we are already secure in Christ, but so others would realize the hope of the Gospel. The only true hope.

"Were it not for the sovereign pleasure of God, the earth would not bear you one moment; for you are a burden to it; the creation groans with you; the creature is made subject to the bondage of your corruption, not willingly; the sun does not willingly shine upon you to give you light to serve sin and Satan; the earth does not willingly yield her increase to satisfy your lusts; nor is it willingly a stage for your wickedness to be acted upon; the air does not willingly serve you for breath to maintain the flame of life in your vitals, while you spend your life in the service of God's enemies." - Jonathan Edwards

ohhh marriage.

A week or so ago, I was talking with two friends about marraige. We were discussing different character traits and qualities we like in a person, and ideally, "what we're looking for" in a relationship. I said what I pretty much always say in such a discussion, " I don't know what I want." Of course there are certain things I find attractive in a man and certain things I most certainly don't, but other than the fact that I need him to love God before anything or anyone else, I just don't have "requirements." My friend said to me, "Hannah, find a guy that likes to read." He went on to say, "all guys need to be refined." I thought he meant this on a surface level; something to keep an eye out for....like an attractive character trait. Maybe that is what he meant, but if you think about what that really means. "A guy who likes to read." Someone who likes to learn. A man who isn't afraid for his ideas to be tested, stretched, and added to. A man who is interested in more than comfort, security, pride and ecstasy. Who is this man? "A guy that likes to read." And actually, i don't even think he said a "guy that likes to read," I think he said, "A guy that reads." Now if you think of what THAT means! It means everything I said, plus this: He may NOT like to read. He may hate it. But he does it anyway because he knows its good to grow.

I was thinking the other day about how my parents told me repetitively as a child, "We all have to do things we don't want to do." True understanding of this proverb has come only with age, yet as I've grown, I've noticed more and more that most of my generation hasn't learned this lesson. Instead they do as they please, even if they know its the opposite of what's best for them. I always thought it was just rebellion and laziness, but it's more like....ehh...stupid. And stubborn. And I am stupid and stubborn as well. I need to learn to read. And to thus to be courageous enough to grow.

"I am a most unworthy sinner, but I have cried out to the Lord for grace and mercy and they have covered me completely. I have found the sweetest consolation since I made it my whole purpose to enjoy His marvelous presence. No one should fear to undertake any task in the Name of our Savior, if it is just and if the intention is purely for His holy service. The working out of all things has been assigned to each person by our Lord, but it all happens according to His sovereign will, even though He gives direction. He lacks nothing that is in the power of men to give Him. Oh what a gracious Lord, who desires that people should perform for Him those things for which He holds Himself responsible. Day and night, moment by moment, everyone should express to Him their most devoted gratitude."

-Christopher Columbus